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There is no better feeling in the world than knowing that you have a safe and reliable friendship circle – whether it’s you and one or two other people, or you and 20 people.
True friendship is a gift, and the love we have for our friends can be overwhelming, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t free from problems.
One of the most taboo issues, when it comes to friendship, is jealousy.
While jealousy in friendship Is Taboo – Of course we should love and support our friends as much as we can – it’s certainly normal.
According to Deepti Tait, a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, jealousy in friendship stems from a culture of comparison.
She tells Metro.co.uk, ‘Our friends are people we can easily compare ourselves to because we see ourselves as equals to our friends.
She adds that, because it’s far more realistic to compare ourselves to someone in our social circle than an Instagram influencer or a celebrity, we use these comparisons to test whether we’re on the right track.
And it doesn’t necessarily have to be unhealthy. But it is important to distinguish between feelings of jealousy and feelings of envy.
Are you feeling jealous or jealous?
Jealousy is a completely natural emotion that occurs when someone, whether we know them or not, has something we want. It could be something as trivial as a vacation to Paris, or something deeper, such as a loving relationship or job they are passionate about.
Jealousy, while also natural, is a much more negative emotion, and one that usually stems from jealousy.
Deepti explains, “Envy is a very irrational emotion. ‘And it’s very hard to shrink.’
She says jealousy can easily turn malicious — think trying to sabotage a friend’s relationship because you don’t have one of your own, or purposefully persuading them to wear an outfit you know they’re good at. Don’t look because you believe they’re prettier than you.
Worse, you may start to resent your friend, or blame them for your own shortcomings, which can lead to a very stressful environment.
how to deal with friendship jealousy
Use it as a Tool for Introspection
When you’re feeling jealous of someone, it’s really important to do some introspection to really understand what you’re feeling.
That’s because jealousy usually comes from a place of dissatisfaction: ‘Typically, the reason why we feel angry or jealous or jealous is probably because we’re angry at something in ourselves,’ says Deepti.
‘Instead of pointing a finger, you need to ask yourself what you need to change about yourself to feel better.’
Instead of externalizing those feelings and blaming our friends for our perceived shortcomings, Deepti says we should acknowledge our inner feelings and ‘work out how we can use them as a motivator. ‘.
This can be something like being a little more intentional with dating if you want to find a partner, or prioritizing savings if you want to get a mortgage or go on a big vacation.
How to Self-Reflection When You’re Feeling Jealous
Journal about your feelings
Deepti says journaling is useful because it can help you clear your mind quickly.
“All your thoughts come out of your mind in a sort of organized sequence,” she says.
‘When you write stuff down, you can organize your confused thoughts, then your head will feel less cluttered and messy, allowing you to better and rationalize your feelings.’
talk to a professional
It’s always good to tell your feelings to someone to put your feelings in perspective, but it’s important to talk to the right person—preferably someone neutral, who won’t exaggerate or invalidate your feelings.
‘Talking to an impartial therapist can help you organize your thoughts properly, and see things differently and get a better perspective,’ says Deepti.
‘It will create some more clarity in your mind and help you separate your thoughts from the real and just perception.’
Should you tell your friend that you’re jealous of him?
While it may seem natural to be honest with your friend about how you’re feeling, just as if they’ve done something to upset you, it’s important to tread lightly.
In fact, Deepti advises against all of these at once, as admitting to jealousy can lead to a rift in the friendship.
‘I think self-awareness is a big deal, because it’s usually not your friend’s problem, that you’re feeling jealous of them, so it’s better to be reflective.’
In fact, there’s nothing your friend can do about your jealousy: They’re not going to sell their house, dump their boyfriend, or stop putting on makeup just to make you feel better. , they will probably feel helplessly guilty. – and make you angry for it.
They may also start to feel that you don’t have their best interests at heart.
‘Jealousy can actually be harmful to friendships,’ says Deepti, because if you hear that one of your friends is jealous of you, it seems that there may be a lack of trust or loyalty.
The only caveat to this is if you think your friend is intentionally trying to make you jealous, which is an entirely different story.
She says, ‘There has to be an understanding whether it is intentional or it is your own problem.
Should You Cut Off a Friend When You’re Jealous?
Cutting someone off is certainly harsh, but if your jealousy is really taking a toll on your mental health and self-esteem, a little space may be needed.
“Self-esteem can easily get hurt,” says Deepti.
‘If you know that person is a trigger for your jealousy,’ says Deepti, it may be best for you to work on yourself, because when you’re trying to work on something, if you Triggers keep going, you keep going backwards. And further, and you need to take yourself away.’
But, instead of telling them you feel jealous of them, or cutting them off without a word, tell them you need to work on some things and that you’ll talk when you’re ready.
‘Everyone deserves some space – it’s okay to ask for space,’ says Deepti.
‘I think, if friendship is meant to be, your friend will understand and will still be there when you are ready, especially if you are honest with them.’
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