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Contrary to popular belief, men strictly follow a regular skincare routine. Learn how to follow it with this guide.

splash water on your face once a week

Not room temperature water that feels good on your skin. No, you should splash a handful of cold tap water on your face every seven days to do something for your pores. open them? turn them off? F**k knows. Somehow this minimal effort will somehow give you a clear complexion and annoy your girlfriend who talks about cleansers.

Shave with a four-month-old disposable razor

Preferably a Bitch or any other brand that gets blunt once you shave half of your face. No need for fancy shit like a triple-blade head with a lubricating strip, a cheap disposable razor will do the job just fine. Simply drag its blunt blade across your skin, split open your chin in several places and let the coagulated blood give you that tough, manly look.

Scrub off caked-on soil with the rough surface of the sponge.

As a man you might come home from work with other real men covered in dried mud or coal dust from your hardened body grafts. Instead of gently patting this mess off with a flannel, take a sponge and roughly scrub the dirt off the scratched bit. If you’re good enough to clean the plates you eat off of your Super Noodles, it’s good enough for your face.

sneer at the concept of moisturizer

What even is moisturizer, other than a simple but somewhat expensive gift you buy your mom for her birthday and Christmas? Nobody really knows, so there’s no point in investing the time and money to find out. Next time you’re at Superdrug to buy a bottle of Lucozade, toss out the tub of this mystery lotion as a scornful mockery.

look at your face in the mirror

Men are free from the societal expectations that plague women, which means they are allowed to admire their blotchy, oily, bleeding skin without fear. Shoot that good-looking guy in the mirror with whiteheads, then change into un-ironed, food-stained clothes that you put equally little effort into. Because you deserve it.


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