The man with the spreadsheet for craft beer ratings can’t figure out why he’s the only one IG News

The man with the spreadsheet for craft beer ratings can’t figure out why he’s the only one

Wondering What Blaze ‘Leveling Up’ Means for Your City? The government won’t explain, so here’s how to take a wild guess.

Step 1: Keep Your Hopes High

Decades of failing industry, austerity and general political neglect may have decimated your city, but this mysterious new agenda will certainly fix it all in one go. It won’t be like Big Society or any other similar obscure initiative that eventually got the f**k all over. no way.

Step 2: Don’t Worry About the Details

Look, the government has realized that there is too much of Britain outside London and they think they should probably offer some cash in these areas if they want to stay in power. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand what leveling is all about. They don’t either, but when they figure it out, you’ll be the first to know, right? Just relax and listen to them how wonderful it is going to be.

Step 3: Raise your hopes even higher

You knew this thing was going to be good, but after watching Michael Gove gleefully talk about it on the breakfast telly, you now realize it must be fantastic. The flying cars will land in the Midlands and the holograms will be delivered to Cornwall on any given day.

Step 4: Receive the ‘initial money’

It will spread that the allocated money has arrived, and it becomes a small cut of the small change left over from HS2. What should be done with this outrageously pathetic amount? Eventually, some bollards will be moved around in the town center and the library will open three days a week instead of one. you are welcome!

Step 5: Be Grateful, You Please

It will be quietly mentioned that no more money is coming in even though there is no change in the issues facing your city. But you’ve got some cash so you’d better stop moaning, you’re sad, understanding provincial gits. Consider yourself flat! Oh, and vote Conservative.

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